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Post by runningbattle on Jul 9, 2020 8:00:24 GMT
I had a feeling he’d share that he’d had an ADHD diagnosis. I have it myself, and was only diagnosed a few years ago. I don’t like to speculate about people, but I’d recognised it in him (and not just in the “joking“, stereotypical ways people said he had it). Edited to add, it’s sad when a famous person only reveals they have ADHD when they need to try and explain something awful. Same thing happened with Ant Mcpartlin. No one should have to reveal they have it of course, it’s just that we could use some more positive examples too! Forgot to reply to this yesterday. It does sound unfortunate to bring it up in this context. Maybe he included it to show that he's been seeking out help. I hope he won't be using any diagnoses as an excuse. I don't think he's trying to use it as an excuse. I think, if anything, he's trying to demonstrate that he's making efforts to understand himself better and be comfortable in his own skin. Perhaps many of his anxieties stem from being unable to 'get' or accept himself. Who knows. All I know is that his probation programme is considerable (contrary to media reports) and he will be given many hours to reflect on himself and his actions. I have everything crossed that he comes through the other side.
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Post by stepstr on Jul 9, 2020 8:12:57 GMT
The Sun are dirty bastards.
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shazza
Junior Member
Posts: 37
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Post by shazza on Jul 9, 2020 10:13:02 GMT
Forgot to reply to this yesterday. It does sound unfortunate to bring it up in this context. Maybe he included it to show that he's been seeking out help. I hope he won't be using any diagnoses as an excuse. I don't think he's trying to use it as an excuse. I think, if anything, he's trying to demonstrate that he's making efforts to understand himself better and be comfortable in his own skin. Perhaps many of his anxieties stem from being unable to 'get' or accept himself. Who knows. All I know is that his probation programme is considerable (contrary to media reports) and he will be given many hours to reflect on himself and his actions. I have everything crossed that he comes through the other side. I think I was too quick to react in a cynical way, but now that I’ve thought about it I do agree with you both. Without wanting to turn this into some kind of “ADHD Awareness” post, runningbattle you’re right. It’s different for everyone, but for myself and other people I know with ADHD, getting a diagnosis, then learning ways to manage it can be a real turning point. “Being unable to get it” is spot on, I always knew there was something “wrong” with me but had no idea what. Despite everything, I actually felt relieved to see that he’s been diagnosed, hopefully it will help him to understand himself better, and learn from it.
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Post by lunatic on Jul 9, 2020 10:16:11 GMT
People were blaming him for not showing any remorse and now people are blaming him for showing some remorse. It will be like this for some time. I think he doesn’t use his problems or diagnoses as an excuse. He’s more like starting to realise who he has been, who he shouldn’t be, who he wants to be and how he can get there. I have always thought he must have ADHD or ADD or something similar. He is very sensitive. If Vikki can forgive him and give him a second chance I think everyone else should consider the same, too. I hope media leaves them alone and there will be no more statements for a while.
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Post by stepstr on Jul 9, 2020 11:18:26 GMT
I have always thought he must have ADHD or ADD or something similar. He is very sensitive. I believe there was an old interview, I think from Velociraptor! era where Chris Edwards revealed 'as a joke' that he had Tom in his phonebook not like 'Tom' but 'ADHD'.
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Post by runningbattle on Jul 9, 2020 12:15:06 GMT
I don't think he's trying to use it as an excuse. I think, if anything, he's trying to demonstrate that he's making efforts to understand himself better and be comfortable in his own skin. Perhaps many of his anxieties stem from being unable to 'get' or accept himself. Who knows. All I know is that his probation programme is considerable (contrary to media reports) and he will be given many hours to reflect on himself and his actions. I have everything crossed that he comes through the other side. I think I was too quick to react in a cynical way, but now that I’ve thought about it I do agree with you both. Without wanting to turn this into some kind of “ADHD Awareness” post, runningbattle you’re right. It’s different for everyone, but for myself and other people I know with ADHD, getting a diagnosis, then learning ways to manage it can be a real turning point. “Being unable to get it” is spot on, I always knew there was something “wrong” with me but had no idea what. Despite everything, I actually felt relieved to see that he’s been diagnosed, hopefully it will help him to understand himself better, and learn from it. When you think about it, Tom was a young lad brought up in a rural Leicestershire village, lacked a decent education and was immediately thrust into the music business and all the glitz and glamour that entails. It's only in the last 2 years (Kasabian's longest 'downtime') that he's probably started to realise his 'differences'. It's partly why the band have almost always been on some kind of tour, as Tom feeds off its buzz. Without it, he's had a black hole to fill.
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Post by highroyds on Jul 9, 2020 17:53:10 GMT
I think he basically knew that he had it but maybe it never really affected him negatively, or he thought it didn't, so he didn't bother getting a real diagnosis and just kind of joked about it.
I hope that if she was able to forgive him and continue the relationship, the band will be too.
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Post by elchupacabra on Jul 10, 2020 2:39:13 GMT
Not posted here in years but still checked up every so often.
Really feel I needed to say something regarding people saying that if his partner forgave him then other people should give him a chance.
First of all, we are just taking his word that she forgave him.
Second of all, many victims of abuse 'forgive' their partners as they have become so used to the abuse that its normal to them and they believe the abuser when they say that they will change.
Abuse on this level doesn't just happen as a one off usually, I may be wrong but if I were a betting man I'd say this is not the first time he has been abusive, this is just the first time he has been caught.
Let's not forget, he denied it until shown the cctv, this is not a man who is sorry for what he done, this is a man who is sorry he was caught.
I really hope he does get his life back on track and is able to become a changed person and a happy, balanced person.
I know the patterns of abuse from personal experience and I hope she leaves him if I'm honest.
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Post by highroyds on Jul 10, 2020 7:33:11 GMT
Not posted here in years but still checked up every so often. Really feel I needed to say something regarding people saying that if his partner forgave him then other people should give him a chance. First of all, we are just taking his word that she forgave him. Second of all, many victims of abuse 'forgive' their partners as they have become so used to the abuse that its normal to them and they believe the abuser when they say that they will change. Abuse on this level doesn't just happen as a one off usually, I may be wrong but if I were a betting man I'd say this is not the first time he has been abusive, this is just the first time he has been caught. Let's not forget, he denied it until shown the cctv, this is not a man who is sorry for what he done, this is a man who is sorry he was caught. I really hope he does get his life back on track and is able to become a changed person and a happy, balanced person. I know the patterns of abuse from personal experience and I hope she leaves him if I'm honest. I didn't mean that anyone should or has to forgive him. I personally think I'm in no position to forgive him anyway because it doesn't mean anything. The people who can either forgive him or not are the ones affected. And the fact that they're back together does make me uncomfortable for all the reasons you mentioned, but again, I'm not involved, it's none of my business, I don't want to go and analyse a relationship I know nothing about. All I'm saying is that at this moment in time and with the information we're given, the band's reaction seems more severe than the actual victim's. I'd rather not judge other fans' reactions right now (unless they're saying she had it coming, which I've seen elsewhere, which will not be tolerated) because I think all of us knew a different Tom. Whether you've met him in person or not, I think this is the last thing we all expected from him. I've cared deeply about him for over a decade and I can't just switch that off and say he's dead to me. I'm in shock, I'm confused, I have no idea how I'm going to deal with this. I'd be happy to make a separate thread if some people just want to cling to their good memories and be sad for now, and we can keep this for the facts that are coming in. I'm aware that there are fans who have gone through something similar and will be uncomfortable with others expressing sympathy for Tom in this situation.
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Post by oriar on Jul 10, 2020 9:02:58 GMT
Wow, I know it's been a very long time since I posted here, but this news got me back here immediately. What can I say that hasn't been said? I will just say that the boys have made the right decision, and while I hope Tom gets the help he needs, his actions made his untenable in Kasabian for time being. If, in 5 years, he worked through his problems and his flaws, then maybe there will be a place for a reunion, but not before he worked through his issues deeply. (There might be a place to open a separate thread for speculating what now, what do you think? highroyds cuttoff )
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Post by lindas on Jul 10, 2020 11:21:50 GMT
I think a separate thread is a good idea. I even feel a bit weird about opening the thread. Obviously at that point, we didn’t know the full story.
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Post by highroyds on Jul 10, 2020 11:36:45 GMT
Wow, I know it's been a very long time since I posted here, but this news got me back here immediately. What can I say that hasn't been said? I will just say that the boys have made the right decision, and while I hope Tom gets the help he needs, his actions made his untenable in Kasabian for time being. If, in 5 years, he worked through his problems and his flaws, then maybe there will be a place for a reunion, but not before he worked through his issues deeply. (There might be a place to open a separate thread for speculating what now, what do you think? highroyds cuttoff ) Good to see you again, even if the circumstances are unfortunate. I made threads about the future of Kasabian and somewhere to reminisce.
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shazza
Junior Member
Posts: 37
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Post by shazza on Jul 10, 2020 12:55:27 GMT
That’s such a good idea to create these threads. It’s been a hell of a week to be a fan, so much to try to come to terms with. Places to have these discussions will really help. I keep meaning to say, I agree with everyone that I’ve seen more than enough statements this week!
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Post by highroyds on Jul 11, 2020 8:02:43 GMT
If anyone is curious about the Evening with Tom live chat from June 20, the Tom Meighan VK group has the video here. I think you have to register.
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Post by highroyds on Jul 13, 2020 8:41:44 GMT
On a related note, I've been looking back at the few bits we got between April and now. There was the Sky interview with Tom in June, not sure which date it took place, but I'm guessing not too long before the 20th. - "My lockdown's been pretty amazing, actually."
- "I'd imagine we'll be back next year to play Vicky Park when the restrictions are all gone."
- "We're going to try and make a new record as soon as we can [...] Serge has been writing songs for Kasabian so it's all good."
- "He's doing his thing, I'm doing mine but Kasabian are still solid."
Serge was on Radio X on the 19th, making jokes, talking about writing, "really excited" about the next album, hoping for a 2021 release. I have only looked at the Q&A briefly because I can't really deal with that right now, but at that point he would have been through detox and the court date was looming. I'm thinking it's possible that the rest of the band didn't even know about it until quite late. My initial thought was that they'd been sitting on this for 3 months, but if Tom never told them? They're all in lockdown and don't see each other. Then again, some random person from the Leicester area knew and was dropping hints on Twitter on July 6. So either Tom didn't tell them because he was hoping it wouldn't get out at all, or the band knew but didn't say anything until The Sun was about to run the story, and then they were forced to publically distance themselves from him. Meaning if it hadn't come out, if there was any possibility of that, they would have kept quiet and continued like nothing happened? I don't like either of these tbh.
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